Why It’s Important to Take Care of Yourself After Counselling Sessions

We all know that self-care in general is an important aspect of looking after our mental wellbeing. We also know that going to counselling can play a key role in self-care for many people. However, something that we often neglect to think about is that sometimes self-care isn’t pretty.

If we are to believe social media, self-care consists of bubble baths, G&Ts in the sun, and reading on the beach. Whereas if we are to take a more realistic view of self-care, it involves delving deep into the darkest part of our minds, exploring our shadow selves, unpacking difficult emotions and years of conditioning, and can leave us exhausted, raw, and vulnerable.

This is something that Brene Brown has termed a “vulnerability hangover”, and is equally as true for experiencing therapy as it is for speaking publically about ourselves (as was Brene Brown’s experience).

Vulnerability in Therapy

Therapy itself is an interesting paradox, as its’ aim is to support clients to feel at peace with themselves and the world around them, to be able to handle the realities of the world and move forward with a life that they want, and yet it is also the space that can be the most challenging for clients and can show clients a side of themselves that they might not like.

The therapy room (even in the online space) is a space where clients often feel comfortable enough (or force themselves) to reveal parts of themselves that they keep hidden from the rest of the world, and sometimes even from themselves. It’s a strange relationship where clients often don’t know anything about their therapist but feel encouraged to open up about the worst or most difficult parts of their lives.

It’s often believed (although not by all therapists) that in order for therapy to be effective, clients need to share everything with their therapist. The problem is that this can sometimes be re-traumatising for the client. A growing number of trauma-informed therapists are coming to the conclusion that they do not need to know the specifics of what happened to their client, they just need to know how it is impacting their client in the present moment.

Not all therapists and clients are aware of this school of thought and clients feel pushed to open up to their therapist early in the therapy relationship.

Too Much, Too Soon

Often, first sessions are treated as assessments, and this is how I work with my own clients. However, I’m always very clear that we are going for breadth rather than depth of information in an attempt to steer clients away from pushing themselves too far in the first session.

One of the risks of the assessment session, is that clients will delve so deep during the first session that they later feel overwhelmed by feelings of vulnerability and painful emotions that they decide not to come back.

Another reason that clients might share too much, too soon during the first session is that they have been holding onto their trauma for so long that they just want to “vomit” it out in the therapy room so that they don’t have to hold it anymore. Unfortunately, this can also have the same effect - the vulnerability hangover - which can lead clients to end their pursuit of therapy.

Control the Pace

As a therapist, it is important to set the pace. Encourage clients, in the first session, to aim for breadth of information rather than depth, and let clients know that although they can share with you whatever they want to share, they are under no obligation to share things they don’t want to share. If you feel that your client is pushing themselves, and is becoming dysregulated, it can be a good idea to slow your client down. You can do this by literally (and gently) pointing out that they are becoming distressed and breathing with them for a moment. Another way to slow your client down is to encourage them to focus on small parts of the story at a time, asking them to notice how they are feeling, what they are noticing about their body as they speak, and to support them to remain grounded in the here-and-now.

As a client, you are well within your rights - in fact you are encouraged - to tell your therapist “no”. If you feel like your therapist is pushing you to go further than you feel comfortable with, or if you feel like you’re getting close to the edge of where you feel comfortable, you can pull back and let them know that you’re not ready for that. You are under no obligation to push yourself further than you feel comfortable.

Self-Care After Therapy

I always encourage new clients to take it slow after therapy, especially after a first session or a particularly difficult session. I encourage clients to be kind to themselves, not to push themselves too much, and to take some quiet time if possible so that they can process everything that was discussed.

If you are seeing your therapist face-to-face, and you have the time to do so, I would encourage you to find a spot on your journey home to sit and reflect. Maybe buy yourself a nice coffee, take a notebook, and do some journalling before you get home. If you are seeing your therapist online, you can do the same thing in a calm and quiet spot in your home.

If you’re interested in starting counselling, please see our Therapist Profile page to learn more about our therapists.