Why Do I Avoid My Emotions?

From a young age, we're often taught to evade uncomfortable emotions. Whether it's being told not to cry when we scrape our knees, hearing clichés like "there are plenty more fish in the sea" after a breakup, or being advised to "just get over it" when life throws us a curveball.

We've become masters at suppressing our negative emotions, donning a brave face, and soldiering on with our day. But in doing so, have we missed valuable lessons? Have we truly processed these emotions, or are we destined to revisit them weeks, months, or even years down the road? Consider a breakup, for example. It's undeniably tough, but if we cope by turning to alcohol, obsessive running, or other distractions, we might discover that when the distractions fade, the pain resurfaces, often even more intensely.

Learning from Adversity

Taking the time to confront our emotions, to genuinely sit with them, could reveal invaluable insights. We might realise the relationship wasn't right from the beginning, that our actions contributed to the breakup, or perhaps we ignored early warning signs.

By examining our emotions, we can use them as a source of valuable information. For instance, if we feel guilt, it's worth pondering if we did something we regret. If relief washes over us, perhaps the relationship wasn't as healthy as we believed.

Navigating Guilt

Guilt is one of the trickiest emotions to grapple with. We often feel guilty about things beyond our control, which is irrational. Here's a personal anecdote: In a previous job, I booked a weekend off well in advance, adhering to a two-person limit for time off due to its customer-facing nature. However, a week before the weekend in question, our manager shared a message expressing dismay that five people had booked the same weekend, with my name at the top, indicating I had requested it first.

Naturally, I felt immense guilt. I messaged the manager, explaining my prior request and the importance of the weekend for my sister's hen party, where I was the maid of honour. The manager reassured me, acknowledging my early request.

Yet, guilt persisted. I couldn't silence my racing thoughts. Instead of ignoring it, I chose to confront the guilt head-on. I allowed myself to experience it fully and contemplated why I felt this way. Soon, I realised my guilt was misplaced. I hadn't done anything wrong; I'd followed protocol. My guilt arose from empathy for colleagues who'd have to work.

Throughout the day, messages circulated about the situation's unfairness, but I didn't react. I chose not to engage because I knew my guilt was unfounded. By holding my guilt in check, I prevented it from affecting my emotional responses.

The Power of Sitting with Uncomfortable Emotions

Sometimes, it's not just okay but beneficial to sit with uncomfortable emotions. It's vital to truly experience them, notice where they manifest in your body, and observe your initial reactions. Often, when emotions seem disproportionate to the situation, they're connected to past experiences. Did you grow up feeling guilty for things beyond your control? Were past relationships characterised by unwarranted guilt? Discovering these links can help you understand your emotional responses better and prevent them from controlling you.

There's a crucial difference between pushing emotions away and letting them go. When we push emotions aside, we don't eliminate them; we bury them within ourselves. Until we face and release them, they will continue to influence our decisions and behaviours.

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